41 Weeks

Well I've made it to 41 weeks! I think everyone is surprised at this point that I haven't gone into labor yet, or that I haven't been induced, but we'll get to that (and I have a question about) :)  

Cravings: Not much, everything gives me heartburn, so eating isn't my favorite thing right now. 

Symptoms: Holy heartburn! I had heartburn a little with Gabriel, hardly anything with Eli, and this one is taking the cake! Seriously, the further along I go, the worse it gets. I think my feet are swelling just a little, which I usually don't have a problem with in pregnancy. I just notice it a little when I take my socks off at the end of the day. Hmm... what else, that's not too gross that is ;) Sore back and hips. Baby grinding on my pubic bone (or at least it feels like it!), sore EVERYTHING!

Complaints: Besides that the baby isn't here yet... I can't sleep very well at all (not that this is new, but it's just worse). I lay down to sleep, and within a couple of minutes my SI joint gets locked up. So sleeping isn't happening unless I get to the point of pure exhaustion, at which point I just sleep through the pain, until it wakes me up, and then I end up sitting on my exercise ball (which has become my BFF) at 3AM for about an hour, until my SI unlocks itself and gets stretched out, and then I can finally go back to bed... only to do it again a few hours later. Thankfully, Josh has been 'letting' me sleep in on his days off (really I just push him out of bed, so he doesn't have a choice, hehe!), so I do get some sleep... just not any good sleep. Sitting on the exercise ball is about the only comfortable thing, but even that gets to become sore after awhile. 

Weight gain: 7-8 lbs

Movement: Yes, but only here and there. He seems to sleep most of the day and only have 1-2 times of semi activeness, which I'm not complaining about because when he is slightly active, it just hurts! 

Doctor appointment results: Between 2-3 cm, 50% effaced, and a very healthy, happy baby :) We did have the induction talk, but neither my doctor or I want to do that unless absolutely needed. Getting induced (especially with having the two prior c-sections) adds a lot more risks, and it's not as nice on baby or mommy. But, because I have been given 3 different due dates throughout this pregnancy (though the 25th of October was the pretty 'for sure' one), and because I am going beyond the medical norm and not getting induced yet, my doctor did ask if I would do an ultrasound to measure the fluid in there, make sure the placenta was healthy, and have me take a No Stress Test. So I did that yesterday, which turned into this whole mess, since it turned out that I wasn't ever scheduled for one of them when I was supposed to be... I ended up having to walk from the radiology department in the 1st street building at St. Mary's for the ultrasound, up the skywalk to the hospital on the 4th St for the NST, and then back to the 2nd St. building where I parked. I didn't plan on being out that long, so I never packed any snacks, so by the time I got to birthing floor at the hospital for the NST, I was starving! So I asked if there was a vending machine or something near by, and instead, they brought me 2 different meals, a salad and a sandwich, fruit, snack bars, and a drink to have while I took my NST. Surprising it was actually yummy, even if it was hospital food ;) 

Also, I had a question out there for all the Mommy's whom have been induced. My doctor told me how she induces women, and it just sounded like a lot longer process then the norm that I have heard (it also sounds far more gentle on the Mom and baby, so I'm not complaining, but just a lot longer). She said she has her patients come in the night before, and inserts a saline bulb in the cervix to stretch the cervix to at least 3cm, and then you sleep in the hospital with that in and it stretches things overnight (and apparently, sometimes that alone will cause the woman to go into labor). Then in the morning, they start the pitocin at a very low dose, sometimes so low that you don't even feel anything for the first day, as a way to 'prepare' your body for labor. If that doesn't cause your body to signal your body into labor, they take you off the pitocin that night so you can sleep, and then start it again the next day, at which point she said the body reacts to it immediately and says 'oh I know how to do this' and goes into labor... It sounds like a really looong process, but more gentle then all the stories I've heard about women going in that morning, and getting a high does of pitocin until the contractions are at what the doctors want them at, and then you labor really hard and long all day until you finally have the baby (or have a c-section). But, I've never had to have induction talks before, and maybe this is the normal... or maybe it's not... I don't know! So, is that what your doctors told you if you got induced? 

Mood:  Tired and impatient! I've come to terms that the due date is just a number, and some days I'm perfectly ok with being 'late'... and other days/times, I'm so overwhelmed and beyond ready to be done... like when I'm up for hours at night because of pain in my back :) 

Planning: To have this baby at some point soon (and hope that my house is not a disaster when the time finally comes)! 

Dreams: Every night I dream about either labor, or last night it was that I got induced. And then I wake up and hope I'm in labor and I never am :( 

Baby Size: BIG! Or at least he feels that way! The Bump website stopped sending me emails about how my baby is doing this week and his size, and started sending me emails about my newborn... which I don't have yet, so now their emails are kinda irrelevant :) 

Other events of the week: After my long morning at the doctors office yesterday, I went and had my first pedicure! It was pretty great! My favorite part, oddly, was the chair I sat in :) I usually don't like massage chairs, because they always seem to hit all the boney parts on my back and hurt rather then feel good. But this chair was nice and gentle, and worked my extremely sore lower back, I was so bummed I had to get up at the end! I mean, the feet part was nice too, but the chair was wonderful! Also, the lady who did my pedi didn't speak English, which was AWESOME! Why? That meant I didn't have to talk the entire time or have someone asking me when I was due/how I felt/when I was going to be induced (people always think I am planning on that)/or anything regarding birth or baby :) I love my baby, and I'm excited to finally have him at some point, but to not have to be asked the same questions over and over again, and simply just enjoy myself, well, it was pretty darn wonderful :) 

40 Weeks

Due date was yesterday! Little goose needs to come on and get here ;) 

Cravings: Nothing, I've actually had less of an appetite this last week. 

Symptoms: Contractions and baby is super low!  

Complaints: Yeah, this baby isn't here yet! Hehe! I've never actually made it to my due date before, much less past it. So, this whole 'over due' thing is new to me :) 

Weight gain: About 6-7lbs

Movement: Of course! 

Doctor appointment results: About 50% effaced, 2 cm, and babies head is 'right there'... and also, that he is very, very happy :)  

Mood:  Impatient, tired, kind of overwhelmed. 

Planning: To have this baby by Wednesday! My next appointment is on Wednesday, and if I don't have him by then, I know I'm going to face the induction talk. And I'm just not sure how I feel about that. I don't want it done, I know it creates more risks. But I guess I don't know how much more of a risk there is going really far over with having two previous c-sections. They say the further you go, the more risk there is, but I don't know the facts or numbers behind it... I just never thought I would go over by much, if I did at all since my other two kids came early, so I never read up much on it. So, I would like him just to come, so I don't have to face that choice :) 

Dreams: I had a dream last night that I had my brown hair back... and now, I kinda want to dye it! 

Baby Size: About the size of a jack fruit... whatever that is ;)   

Other events of the week: Waiting for baby! 

39 Weeks

Due in 6 days!!!!

Cravings: Bananas 

Symptoms: Lots and lots of contractions... INTENSE contractions! I only timed them once, for three hours they were 10 minutes apart. Then I went to bed, and then woke up in the middle of the night for two more hours of just crampy-ness. It wasn't really contractions, just I felt like I was having a horrible period for two straight hours. 

Complaints: Is this baby ever going to come? ;) My SI joint also has been locking up on the left side HORRIBLY since yesterday afternoon, OW!!!! I couldn't hardly walk a good hour yesterday it was locked up so badly. I had to use heat and sitting on my birthing ball to try to get it to release, which worked well enough I guess. 

Weight gain: Same as last week, about 5lbs. How? I'm not quite sure! Well, I have a pretty good idea behind it, but you don't want me to go into my life long story of trying to figure out why I couldn't loose weight and always being bigger, to finally figuring it out at the beginning of pregnancy, and it being a rather odd reason, ect ect. And, by just avoiding a couple of things, my body doesn't want to gain any pregnancy weight... even though I kinda eat like crap at this point ;)

Movement: Of course, but only a fraction  of what it used to be. He has calmed down a lot, and when he does move it's more felt down yonder, where it is far more uncomfortable. 

Doctor appointment results: Baby is doing good, cervix is a bit more dilated, though not a lot, like between a 1-2cm (usually I don't have them check me, but I've been doing some research on how to check how far dilated you are, without doing the internal exam, so I want to see how accurate I am... and thus far, I've been pretty on!) and thinning. 

Mood:  Impatient. Is the baby here yet? 

Planning: To go into labor today. And if that doesn't happen, to go into labor tomorrow. And we'll just keep sticking to that plan every day until he gets here :) I tried acupressure points twice. Once I knew it wasn't going to put me into labor, maybe just give me contractions, and it did, lots of them. And then I tried it again this morning, which I have had more contractions today then normal and they are pretty intense, but two things: one, it can take 24 hours to work fully and two, it's not going to fully work unless your body is ready and 'ripe'. And although I want my body to be ready and ripe, I'm not so sure that it is... so if it doesn't work today, I wouldn't be surprised... but I want it too! Any contraction is good though, right? I mean, they all work towards the end goal :) 

Dreams: Dreams about labor... and there was a really funny one the other night that had nothing to do with labor, but I can't remember what it was. 

Baby Size: About the size of a watermelon or pumpkin.  

Other events of the week: Waiting for baby! 

38 Weeks

Cravings: Hmm.. The only thing that I can think of that I 'craved' this week was caramel. I've never boughten a bag of Wether Original Chewy Caramels before.... but I did this week. And let me tell you, they were sooooo GOOOOOD!!!!!! 

Symptoms: Nesting :) My house is slowly getting clean, yay!!!!

Complaints: Pain in all sorts of places we just don't want to talk about ;) And, I officially waddle :(

Weight gain: Same as last week, about 5lbs. 

Movement: Yes, though it's kind of slowed down quite a bit. He hardly moved yesterday, and today he has also been calmer. 

Doctor appointment results: Same as last week, baby is doing well and all the numbers are still the same, which I'm ok with because I know it doesn't really matter :) Though, I did leave the doctors office crying, but we'll get to that. 

Mood:  TIRED! We all seem to be coming down with another cold. The kids have had it for a little while and are getting better, but Josh and I seem to just be getting it and I'm not very thrilled about that. He snored all night last night from the cold, so I didn't get any sleep and then woke up with a sore throat. Now my sinuses are starting to feel worse, and I can feel it more and more in my throat. I really REALLY don't want to be sick when I go into labor! 

Planning: So, after today, I have to wrap my head around a few things, and it's hard. First of all, yes, I am attempting a VBAC. Secondly, I know that a c-section is still possible, even though it's not what I want, I know that there is that chance. So, going into the final trimester, the only thing that gave me peace about labor and possibly having a c-section, is that I was told that, now, unlike when I had my other two kids, they keep the baby with the mother the entire time after surgery instead of separating the two. 

Well today, I was told differently. I found out that they only do this IF they have enough staff on hand, and you won't know if they will have enough staff on hand until the time comes. If they don't have enough staff, they will still take your baby away from you after birth for however long it takes them to finish things and however long you have to be in recovery. When I asked if I could demand the baby stay with me, I was told that they have to follow their policies first. 

With Eli, I was in recovery for four hours. FOUR HOURS. I didn't get to see my baby, hold my baby, bond with my baby, NOTHING. He was taken away, and I didn't see him at all. I know that some women don't have a huge issue with this, but I do! You carry a baby in your womb for 9 months, and then all the sudden, they are surgically removed from you, then all you get to do is kiss their face for one second before they are taken away. And you have no idea how long it's going to be before you see them, you don't know what's happening to them, nothing. You're left, alone, strapped down Jesus style, to a table, while they patch you back together and you get to listen to them talk about their weekend or where which organ goes where, and all you want to do is hold your baby. Honestly, surgery sucks. It sucks for your body. It hurts like hell to recover. If you're allergic to anesthetics like I am, it sucks even more. You freak out. You cry. You live with it forever. It sucks. But not matter how much it sucks, nothing sucks, and is as hard, as having your baby taken away from you right after birth. At least for me. You miss out on the first hours of your babies life... it SUCKS! So, knowing that my baby was going to stay with me, if I had to have a c-section, was the ONLY thing that gave me peace about going into labor. Knowing that, no matter what, if I got to have my VBAC or have a cesarean, I would at least get to be with my baby, I mean, it sounded like heaven. But today, the only peace I had about giving birth, was taken away, and now, I don't know if I'll get to see him or hold him after delivery and it freaks me out. I can't go through that again. I just can't. 

So today, I left the doctor's office in tears. It sucks. 

Josh and I talked in the parking lot at the doctors, and he, like so many other people, keep telling me that 'everything is going to be ok' and that I 'don't have to worry because I am going to get to have a VBAC' and everything is going to be 'just fine'.... and to be honest, I kinda flipped out. I know he, and others, are trying to be positive and encouraging, but they were the same way when I went in to have my VBAC with Eli... and I still ended up with a c-section. I know the power of asshole (sorry!) doctors. I know the power of pushy medical staff. I've been through it before. I know the ability of a doctor who can scare you into doing what they want, even if it's not the best for you, but because it's the best for them. I know that just because I plan a VBAC, it doesn't mean that it's going to happen. Believe me, I know! I've been through it! I've spent this entire pregnancy coming to terms with all of it and decided that no matter what happens, as long as I get to be with my baby, it would all be ok.... but now that's not a guaranteed thing either. Ugh. I'm just so frustrated. Not with people being positive about it, I appreciate them trying to make me feel better . No, I'm just so frustrated with the entire situation, with everything that has happened with my other deliveries that shouldn't have ever happened, with being told one thing and now another. Frustrated with preparing this entire pregnancy for something, and finding a glimmer of hope in the mess, and now not having it. Just so frustrated! 

Dreams: Still having lots of dreams about labor. 

Baby Size: About the size of a watermelon.  

Other events of the week: Nothing much. Took my own maternity pictures with a tripod and my camera the other night. Here are just a couple... 

37 Weeks

Cravings: Snickers Blizzards from the DQ :)

Symptoms: Sore pubic bone. Baby feels like he is sitting right on it. Also forgetful and tired all the time. Nesting is kicking in more, which is nice :)

Complaints: Umm.. pregnancy sucks. Yep, that's about it. Yep, I'm ready to be done!!!!

Weight gain: I think it's around 5lbs. 

Movement: Yes. Pretty sure he thinks the exit is through my sides, because I swear he is trying to kick his way out through the sides of my stomach. Ouch! 

Doctor appointment results: Baby is doing well. I am at about 1cm and very soft. Babies head is around -3cm, which is right where he should be. 

Mood:  Ready to be done :) 

Planning: Trying not to have a plan :) I know everyone plans how they want their birth to go... and I did that with my other two, and to a point, you can't help getting some things planned out... But I'm trying not to have a plan. Birth is unpredictable, and I don't want to get myself set on doing something a certain way and then end up disappointed in myself or the situation because it didn't go the way I wanted. The only goal I have is to not have a c-section (which I still made peace with for the most part, even though I REALLY don't want it), beyond that, I'm just going to listen to my body and do what I feel like I need to do. I'm trying to throw all expectations from myself and from other people, out the window, and just do whatever it is I need to do in that moment. 

Also, just trying to get things together before baby boy gets here. I am rather behind this pregnancy... heck, I haven't even gone to the hospital to check out the birthing rooms yet and where to go! We really need to do that... *sigh

Advice: Tell people to stop talking. No, seriously, that was the advice I got :) See, the more people ask me questions about birth and what I 'plan' and what I'm going to do/say/react... it STRESSES ME OUT! Not that I don't mind people asking, but when you have gone through all the crap I have with doctors, and the births that I've had, and knowing fully well that 99% of the people on shift when I attempt my VBAC are not exactly going to be supportive of it, the last thing you want to do (or at least I want to do) is think about all the things that could go wrong, or how I could be treated, or things they will try and force on me because it's 'proticol' ect. I know I'm going to have to deal with crap while I'm in labor, and stressing about it isn't going to change that... so I just prefer not to think about it because it's not going to do me or baby any good. So I'm staying in my 'bubble' and avoiding conversations about birth :) It's not that I want to be 'unprepared', but if I start thinking about all the 'what ifs' and 'probably's', then I will fixate on them, and it will be all I can think about, and I will be convinced that it's going to go horrible, and then when I go into labor, that will be all I can think about, rather then having a healthy happy baby. 

Dreams: Lots of dreams about labor lately. I've had one where the hospital had a room that was set up for all the mom's in labor who were 0-5cm along. And in that room there were different stations of things to help you get along. There was a musical station, with a piano, and a treadmill part, and lots of other odd things, that were supposed to help you get through labor. So this room was full of laboring mom's in hospital gowns, trying to make it to 5cm. Because after you reached 5cm, then you would be brought to another room for mom's who were 5-7cm, where they would have other things to help you through the more difficult part of labor or you could finally get your epidural. When you were finally at 7cm, then they would bring you to your own private room for transition and birth. Odd, I know. But I have lots of dreams like that :) 

Baby Size: About the size of a wintermelon.  

Cute Stuff: Gabriel is very impatient for baby to come. He also has been more cuddly lately, which is nice and I soak it up every chance I get. Eli doesn't seem to get it at all, but that's alright :) 

Other events of the week: Nothing much. Just making it to all my appointments. I fell on Tuesday a little, pulled a muscle in my stomach and smashed my arm on the wooden railing in our hallway. I'm doing better then expected from it, but it made me more sore then before, so that's not super fun, but I'm thankful that I'm not paying worse for it :)