Pain: Part Three

I know I'm a little behind one part three of my little story. I had literally spent my entire break in between quarters at school at the hospital and recovering from surgery. Now school started again and I was done for before it even started... and it doesn't help that I'm taking five hard classes. So, in other words, blogging kinda got pushed to the back burner. But to finish the story I started...

I got back from the hospital that Wednesday late in the evening and thought there was nothing else wrong. Then Sunday came along and half way through the day my stomach started to not feel right. It felt swollen and it was painful. Not any kind of painful either, it felt like like a lesser version of what sent me into the hospital the first time. I thought maybe it was indigestion (because, you know, after one has surgery they usually struggle with that kind of thing.... ahem) and decided to wait it out because, in the beginning, it really wasn't that bad.

The day went on and things started to get worse. I stopped eating any form of food mid-afternoon and only drank water. After everyone else ate supper things just got worse and worse. My stomach was really starting to hurt. I managed to get my kids in bed and went to sit on the couch.

From there, whatever prompted me to get up and go to the kitchen did not end up being good for me. I got to the kitchen and in the 10 feet or so that I walked I got very faint and was short of breath. I stood at the edge of the kitchen with the world spinning and before I knew it I was on the floor. I had half passed out.

I say half passed out because I knew what was going on but had absolutely no control over it. I guess I always think that you have to black out to completely pass out, everything else is just a half pass out... you know?

Anyway. I called the ER and asked them what I should do. The nurse asked me a few questions and I told her my symptoms and that I had recently had surgery. She told me that I needed to be seen immediately and to hang up the phone and call 911. I told her I would probably just have my dad drive me since we live so far out and she told me not to do that and to call 911 immediately and that this was an emergency.

Have I ever told you I'm really bad at listening to doctors orders?

I had my dad drive me to the ER :)

We got to the hospital in Moose Lake and I could barely walk in and got back to the ER. They asked me 101 questions and put an IV in and took blood for labs. The doctor came and looked at me and decided that it wasn't as big of an emergency as the nurse on the phone had thought but I still needed to be transferred up to Duluth to St. Mary's where I had my first surgery. They gave me pain meds in my IV and then, of course, the world gets a little happier after that... if you know what I mean :)

My dad drove me up to the St. Mary's and they took more labs and it turned out that my liver and pancreas were extremely infected. A stone had escaped in my first surgery and was clogged in my bile duct and it was causing everything to back up and my body was not responding well to that. Surgery was needed... again. Frick!

So my dad went home and I fell asleep and they scheduled my surgery for the next day.

Unfortunately they couldn't fit me in early in the day because they were overbooked for surgeries or something like that, so I had to wait until 6PM to have my surgery. All I was allowed was ice chips... I was starving!!!!!

The surgery went well. They stuck tubes down my throat to get to the stone instead of slicing me open again so when I woke up my throat was extremely sore. I had kind of freaked out at the beginning of my surgery because when I had my first one I was out of it by the time I got to the surgical room so I didn't remember a thing. So going in, fully awake, to have surgery was a whole knew deal for me and I was super nervous, especially because they were going to stick so many tubes down my throat *shudder*. Alas, I survived, and I don't remember a darn thing except everyone in the room sound like robots right before I was officially out of it. And I ain't lyin'. It kinda made me think they were all aliens... or robots... believe me, when you are laying there on a table and there are 6 people standing over you in scrubs and masks and they have machine like voices all the sudden it kinda freaks you out.

No, I don't have mental issues... why do you ask?

They put me back in my room. I asked for liquids. They said no. At this point I was beyond frustrated because I had 3 different nurses during the day telling me what they thought was going on and how things were going to go, then two different doctors telling me their treatment plans but both the plans were different. No two persons stories about how things were going to go were the same. The doctors would tell me I could have liquids and then the nurses told me the doctors told them I couldn't. I was so irritated. Partly because I hadn't had any food and was on ice chips for 36 hours by that point, and partly because I kept being told a hundred different things.

By the next morning I felt fine but I was starting to have major hunger pains and I hadn't slept half the night because of them. The doctor told me at 6AM that I could have liquids and if those went down fine and my labs came back fine after that then I could have regular food and then go home... the nurses told me at 8AM that I couldn't do any of that. I. was. pissed. off!!!! I think I exploded on the nurse at that point telling them that they were not to doctors and telling them exactly what the doctor had said that morning and that they sure as hell better do what he said and not whatever they wanted to do because I had had enough!

I think they were scared of me.

The gave me liquids.

I was a happy woman.

Then like 2 hours later they tried to play the same game with me again.

I told them off again.

Then they let me go home after I made them follow the doctors orders.

I was so happy to leave and be done with the hospital thing and the nurses with a hundred different stories.

I'm sure they were happy to be done with me too :)

I spent the next few days recovering again. I felt so much better. Like I felt like there had been something crappy in my body making me feel off for months and it was gone. I know, that is really what happened, but it's hard to explain how that really feels. It's not just in your mind, you really do feel different.

No. I don't have psychological issues... why do you ask?

So things are a lot better now. I'm still really exhausted some days but that is also contributed to school and kids. But I can do most of what I used to be able to do. I'm not supposed to lift my kids but they don't get that and I have to sometimes so I do and it doesn't hurt or anything and I'm close to the end of my timeline restrictions so I figured it's all good. I carry them on my left side though, away from the incisions on the right side :)

Here are some pictures from my hospital stays:

This would be me. On pain meds. Completely high saying 'Look! I'm like a Korean!!!'

Stop it! I do not have mental issues! The answer is still no :)

My kids came to visit me the first time I was in the hospital.

And the drew me a card! It was so sweet! 

And when I got home the second time Eli wouldn't let me go! 

Pain: Part Two

So the next morning we found out exactly what time my surgery was going to be at (10AM) and I called Josh and he left my parents house immediately to make it on time (it's an hour drive).

I was pretty nervous. They were telling me what was going to happen and then they said something about a breathing tube being placed down my throat and then I can say that at that point I started to freak out inside. I asked multiple times if I was going to be asleep for the breathing tube part. I did not want to be awake when it went in or when it came out! They assured me I would be out and very few people actually remember it being taken out even though you are starting to wake up when they do remove it. I still wasn't too excited about it. Most people may be nervous that their stomach is going to be cut in to, that complications may arise, or so on... I was nervous about a tube in my throat!

They took me down to prep me for surgery and Josh still hadn't arrived. The anesthesiologist went to look for him a couple of times and some of the nurses but no one ever found him. It turned out that he was there, but they had put him in the wrong waiting room so he didn't know when I was going in or when I was done. Anyway, so I was in the prep room and I was nervous so they gave me something to relax me and it made me fall asleep before I even got to the surgical room. Therefore, I don't remember anything about the surgery at all, even being put to sleep, so when I woke up almost three hours later I at first thought I didn't have the surgery yet. Then the cold hard truth hit me in the face, well, more like the stomach, as I felt all sorts of pain in my abdomen. And, I itched, everywhere!

It turns out I was allergic to something in the anesthesia and it was making me itchy. As in I kinda wanted to rip my skin off! They quickly gave me more pain meds and some Benadryl in my IV. I fell asleep again and my doctor came by to explain to me how the surgery went. He told me I probably wouldn't remember much of what he said and he couldn't find Josh yet (since he had been in the wrong waiting room). From what I remember, he told me it went well, something or other about another surgery the next morning being possible, and then I asked if I could see my gallbladder... he said no.

The next thing I remember is when I woke up in my room and Josh was finally there. I pretty much slept the rest of the day it seemed like. Every time I woke up I still was itchy and begged for more Benadryl and then fell back asleep.

The next day they drew blood, in the morning and tests came back that my liver was going back to normal so I didn't need to have another surgery. My kids came to visit me that morning. I was so excited to see them! They were a little overwhelmed by the whole hospital thing but it was so wonderful that they were there! We read books together and watched cartoons. I started to get really tired so Josh took the kids down to the gift shop to pick something out for me. They came back with a little curious george for me, it was so cute! The boys went home with my mom and Josh stayed with me in hopes that I would be able to go home.

I finally was able to get up and about and take a shower that day and my friend Melissa came to visit me from school. We were supposed to have our final exam that night, there was no way I was going to be able to make it though. I was so thankful for visitors!

I finally got to go home that night after I was able to hold down regular food without any pain. For the next few days at home I slept all the time. If I took pain meds, which I needed, I was usually out within 30 minutes of taking them. I was lucky to have stretches of being up for more then 2 hours. To me, it felt absolutely ridiculous. But at the same time I couldn't help it.

I thought my troubles were over. I had been home for three and a half days and things were getting better... or so I thought. And then Sunday afternoon came along...

Pain: Part One

Wow. It's been a very long week and a half 'round these parts. Where oh where to even begin?

So, two Monday's ago I landed in the ER in Duluth. I had gone to Duluth all by myself to go to a friends house and to run some errands. I made it to visit my friend Melissa and I wasn't feeling too good. My stomach felt off... not a sick off, like the flu, but it was semi painful and extremely uncomfortable. I wasn't sure what was going on. It was kind of a normal pain for me because it resembled the pain like I got from eating wheat, but the problem was, I didn't eat any wheat that morning and it wasn't extremely painful (yet) like when I would eat wheat... it was strange for me and I wasn't really sure what was going on.

I went from Melissa's home and headed to the mall to run some errands. I made it to the first store and life quickly started to turn on me. My stomach was feeling more and more painful and it was getting hard to walk, move, breath... anything. I made the foolish decision to continue shopping. I decided that things needed to 'get moving' in my stomach and walking would help that out. So I walked deeper into the mall and headed to Yonkers. Such a bad idea.

In Yonkers the situation went from really bad to worse in a matter of minutes. I was soon laying on the floor in a dressing room in excruciating pain trying to figure out how in the world I was going to get out to my car. I laid there for a good long while and things were not getting better. I finally got up and the world was a bit on the fuzzy, spinning side of things. I thought I was going to end up passed out in the middle of the aisle. A worker there asked me if I was feeling alright, apparently I looked like a sheet of paper.

I made the very long and beyond painful walk back to my car. A smart person may have had someone call 911 for her... I was not smart at that point.

I got out to my car and laid in the back seat for a bit but I knew something was not right. Something felt off (you know, besides the fact that it was excruciatingly painful). I decided to head down to urgent care at St. Mary's hospital which I found very hard to find and ended up accidentally parking over three blocks away in a parking ramp and had to ask for directions and then walk the rest of the way myself. Apparently, I looked like crap enough for someone to call ahead warning them that someone was looking for Urgent Care and was about to keel over because a police officer found me on my way asking if I was the 'the one' looking for Urgent Care and no matter how embarrassing at the point I may have looked I have never been so happy to see someone looking for me before.

By the way... if you are in extreme pain. DON'T drive yourself to the hospital. I think I almost caused a few accidents along the way. It was a dumb move.

I got down to Urgent Care, the doctor looked at me for maybe two minutes before telling me I needed to be transferred to the ER. At this point I finally started trying to call my family to tell them what was going on but no one answered. I left messages with a few people but failing to get ahold of anyone for quite some time.

In the ER I got looked over and they drew blood and got an IV going. They gave me something for the pain which made me loopy but I was ever so thankful. From the time I started to feel my stomach feeling off/painful to the time I got pain meds was over 7 hours... it was a long 7 hours!

Anyway, tests came back and it determined that my liver, gallbladder, and bile duct were infected due to stones in my gallbladder and things weren't working properly. So they kept me over night and scheduled me for surgery the next morning to remove my gallbladder.

Little People, Big Dreams

If my boys would actually be serious and you asked them what they wanted to be when they grew up you would probably get some unique answers. Well, except for the fact that Gabriel insists that he does not want to grow up and wants to stay a kid because 'men don't play and kids do'. But either way, he still has dreams brewing in his mind. 

Last summer Gabriel fell in love with tennis. He would wake up in the morning and ask if tennis was on and if it was he would sit and watch entire matches. It was amazing actually. I didn't think he would have patience to sit through a set, much less an entire match, but he did! And he had a favorite tennis player, Novak Djokovic. He would pretend that he played tennis and pretend to with and say 'I'm Djokovic!' When tennis season was done Gabriel was beyond bummed. I thought the fascination would die away since tennis was done but it hasn't. Gabriel will still pretends to play tennis and loves to hit balls across the room. So Gabriel's answer would be that he wants to be a tennis player when he grows up :)

Eli, whom always is complete opposite from his brother appears to have a different passion. Eli loves piano. When my brother comes home from school, Eli will go grab his hand and lead him to the piano. Then my brother and Eli sit and play for a long time and Eli tries to copy his Uncle. Christopher, my brother, will take Eli's hands and play this simple song every time they sit down and one day after Christopher was done playing, Eli went and pretty well played the song all by himself! He will sit down by himself at the piano and try to play and honestly, he can carry a tune pretty well! Today he climbed up on the piano and grabbed a music book, opened it up, pointed to some notes and then pretended to play them and then put the book back. It's such a cute obsession for a 20 month old. So Eli's answer, if he could talk, would be that he wants to be a piano player. 

I know that their interests will change and they will grow out of some interests and into new ones and I'm ok with that and excited to see what they will be interested in next. But for right now, I love my little tennis player and piano player and will encourage them in what they enjoy :)

Randomness...

Life has been ever-changing the last month and a half and it's crazy.

School started up again, I'm taking 15 credits and at times it is very challenging. Back in the day when I was doing my generals, I didn't have kids, and I was only 16-17 years old, anything less then 16 credits was slacking... I always took between 16-18 credits each semester and it didn't really bother me. Then again, the classes back then were, well, generals, and not exactly hard. This quarter I'm taking Medical Laws and Ethics, Kinesiology, Human Anatomy II, and Massage Techniques II. My mind is jammed full of words, terms, names, ect. that I could have never even thought of and at times, I'm so confused at to why they gave certain muscles and bones they names they did... I mean, really, I think they just wanted to make up crazy new words and use letters in the alphabet that aren't used as much. Like zygomaticus major or sternocleidomastoid... they purposefully tried it make it difficult... in my opinion ;)

Soon I'm going to have to start doing two massages a week for my massage class... now I just need to find clients!

School is also more challenging this quarter then the last because of my job. When I started my job I was at the end of my last quarter and there wasn't much expected of me at my job because I was new. Now I've had the job from the beginning of this quarter and there is far more expected of me at work then before. I have started (though not sure if I will continue...) to interview people and train in new waitresses. The restaurant was also short on staff for awhile so I had to take more shifts then I actually wanted too or thought I could handle. I'm actually still stuck in this stage for a bit longer but it should change soon as I've trained in a few more waitresses as of late that will help relieve the load.

It's hard having two kids and going to school full time and working. I give people credit who do this all the time with little to no help. Thankfully I have some people around me who help me out and watch the kids for me when I have to go to work and school. I don't know how I would do it without them! I have to say though, that I still miss my kids something fierce. Going from stay-at-home-mom to student-working-mom is definitely challenging, for me and them. I can tell they miss me and I really miss them! 

My boys are doing so well! Eli is finally getting a little weight on him and Gabriel is getting so tall! Eli doesn't like to use words much but he is far from quiet :) He is picking up more and more though with words and I am so proud of him! He is also discovering more of his adventurous side and therefore, getting into lots of trouble :)

Gabriel is entering a new stage of learning. He has always been a very factual child. He has never been one to do a ton of imaginary play, he would rather fix something or learn how something works. Now he has entered this stage of asking how and why everything is the way it is. I love it! I love to teach him new things about the world and all the little parts of life. Granted, I'm not big into how things work, so a lot of his questions stump me... like 'how does a car run?' ect. But I try my hardest and sometimes, I just have to send him to someone else who knows more mechanical things then I do... like Opa :)

The boys and I have been sick. A lot. It seems like one or all of us have been sick since Thanksgiving. The worst hit for me a little less then two weeks ago. I lost my voice and felt (and still feel) like I got hit by a bus and someone is trying to blow up a balloon in my head. I missed work and school and pretty much tried to lay in bed or on the couch for a few days. I thought it was going away, and then it relapsed and I feel like I'm back at square one, except I still have my voice, somewhat :)

Anyway, life has been ever-changing, difficult and rewarding lately. We're taking it one day at a time and doing what we can for that day, and seeing my boys taken care of, loved, learning and happy is the best thing in the world!