We had always said we would be adopting 2-3 kids at a time. Then the accident happened, and we switched programs, and we got matched with one little girl, and it was perfect. Different then our plan... but God knows exactly what we can handle, what is best for our family, and we are accepting it and totally ok with it! We've learned that we make plans, and God is really good about changing all of them... so we've learned to roll with it.
We also didn't plan on traveling so soon, and having only 2 months to figure this all out... but hey!
Then we looked at the fees again, and took into account X,Y, and Z, and had a heart attack all over. I'm not writing this to make people uncomfortable or anything along those lines, but we get asked all the time why adoption is expensive, or how we come up with X amount that we try to raise when the actual amount is far different. And a lot of people just really want to know what the true cost will be. I wanted to write it out in hopes it would clear up some of the cloudy issues on it. So if you're one of those people who wanted to know, keep reading!
*Note: I don't mind getting asked these questions, because a lot of times people might be asking because they themselves might want to adopt and they are trying to get an idea for their own lives. Other times people want to help, but aren't really sure why it's needed. Other times people are just curious... and that's ok too.
Ok, so, what is the cost of adoption? Well, the typical answer is that it differs from case to case and country to country, program to program ect. After doing research for the last 7-8 years (yes, it's been a long time waiting!), I would say the average is about $40k. Which is about what is left of ours for our little girl (math below)...
Whoooo saaaaaaa..... breathe.
Yep, it's A LOT! Might be enough to make you accidentally 'let go'....
(sorry, way too funny to not add!)
*Side Note: $40K seems to be the number no matter where you adopt from. Even in the U.S. if you go through a private agency, it costs the same amount. European countries can be more around the $50K mark. The only way around the cost is to adopt from the foster care system in the U.S. through what is called fosadopt. In which, you get placed with children that you may or may not be able to adopt some day... they may go back to their parents, may go to relatives, may get to stay with you. It's not bad by any means, but a lot of parents are scared of the emotional toll it will take for them to potentially be placed with kids they might not be able to adopt or have to have an open adoption. There are also more requirements to fosadopt then adopting through some international countries. Just in case you were wondering about the 'why's' on this. It also doesn't add a ton of cost to adopt siblings, mostly just the plane tickets home and medical and visa fees, but if you adopt two unrelated children at the same time, then it can significantly increase because they see it as two separate cases (two lawyer fees, two investigations, ect).
Ok, so WHO is actually CRAZY enough to do that, and HOW???? Well, in short, us. We're crazy enough... but then there is the how?
So if you've ever noticed, in our adoption journey, if I ever created a gofundme, or you had ever asked me 'so how much do you really need?' The amounts probably changed.
There is this thing called the adoption tax credit. We never wanted people to feel like we 'made' money on adoption. Like if they were ever going to donate, we didn't want them to think we were going to get it all back someday and do whatever the heck we wanted with it. To each their own, but that was Josh and I's personal feelings on it.
And the full amount of the tax credit is available per child that you adopt. So when we had thought of adopting those two kiddos that we lost, their case was actually going to be far more complex and cost more along the lines of $45-50K (gasp!), we came up with the amount we actually needed to be $24K.
$50K
-$13K
-$13K
________
$24K
Yes, we'd still need to come up with the $26K in the mean time, but there are usually things most couples can do for short term. Like, yes, paying a monthly loan payment for $20k+ isn't all shiggles, it's hard, but paying said amount for a year before you get some funds back to pay it off is far different then paying it for the next 6-7 years.
Making sense?
So, for our adoption, if it costs $41K after what we've already paid in for our home study ect, then the math would be:
$41K
-$13K
_______
$28K
If you're thinking of adopting, the math is pretty easy to figure it: take the amount that it's going to cost you - $13K per child you plan to adopt = the amount it will actually cost you to adopt. Yes, you have to come up with that amount before you can get it back, but there are ways, even if it's hard. Some people refinance their homes, some take out a loan, some get credit cards, ect.
Ok, ok. So do we expect everyone else to pay the $28K just because... no. Not really. Yes, we all hope that we will be fundraising wizards, or our stories will go viral and it will be easy to raise the rest of it ect... so we put that amount out there in case by miracle it actually happens. But most of us will have to find ways to work around that. It's just the reality.
Does that make it hard? Um, YES.
Does that make it challenging? YES.
Does that make it impossible to some people? YES.
Does becoming a forever family to a child in need make it all worth it? ABSOLUTELY! Our girl's story is sad, it's hard, and though I can't put it all out there for all sorts of legal and ethical purposes, she is in desperate need of a family.
So I know what you're all thinking... where does that leave you two?
Well, because of the accident, I can't do hard core fundraising. I wish I could, because most people know me as the lady that does those types of things... but flare ups for my TBI are still a very real thing and I need to stay 'normal' to get all of the packing/paperwork/preparations done, so small scale it is (even if it kills me just a wee bit to not go into high gear, lol).
So here is our math based on what we have left to pay (*estimated)(and I'm NOT good at math, so hopefully it's understandable):
$41K - Cost
-$19.5K - Loan ($13K Tax Credit - $19.5 = $6.5K Is what we will have left of the loan after the credit next year)
-1K - Donations from Go Fund Me (currently)
____________
$20.5K
This includes travel for us and for baby girl and all her visas, our visas, lawyer fees, agency fees, medical fees, ect.
If/When we ever get paid back for the truck that was in the accident (because MN couldn't be any slower on getting us the title for the darn thing, which we're told might not be until May/June), we'll probably have another $3K
So 20.5K - 3K = $17.5K left to come up with (with us still ending up with the 6.5K loan after all is said and done (see above)).
Yes, there are grants that we are in the process of applying for. Most grants are for people who are adopting children with special needs or for people who are adopting sibling groups or older children. So we'll see what actually becomes of our many applications.
Plans? Well, we planned on making a video, which we have. We've planned on it since the accident in January once we realized my capabilities to fundraise were limited... it's just super awkward to put a video out about ourselves and takes a
So that is where we land. Nope, it's not sugar coated. But it's the REAL costs.
